soccer game yesterday

It was a rough game out there yesterday. It was a 5 on 4 "friendly." On one side, we had:

Fabian "My feet sweat" Camargo
Melinda "Shoot first Pass second" Metz
Chris "Skills" Skillman
Tommy "Which way is our goal again?" Reiser

On the other side, I swear they had a full team of 11 people, but the only 5 I can remember offhand are:

Tamara "Pitbull" Ashby
Claire "I only cook it up on the soccer field" Downey
Jo "I can't believe I'm out here with these clowns" Voytus
Ashley "knees = crossbar" Manos
Omari "Tommy can't remember my last name because I cross-checked him so hard running down the field" .......

For those of you like myself that passed First Grade math in fewer than 2 - wait, make that 3 - attempts, you'll clearly see that A does not equal B. Jeremy was supposed to be our 5th player to even things up, but we had to play a man down when he was given an early Red Card for hooking up with Tamara in Belize.

Our team (we'll just refer to ourselves as "Team that didn't cheat") put up a valliant effort for the first 3:06. At that point, balls starting shooting off the feet of Omari and Jo, thru the cones, and into the creek like a berretta fire at Euclid and 17th on a Saturday night. Once it was about 13 to 1 and we had been playing for all of 5 minutes, it was mutually decided to take a water break and switch goals. Yes, I'm sure that will make a difference I thought to myself. Clearly, we will be so much better when pointed to the north end of this fucking 110 degree rainforest that Melinda led us into. Poor Fabian had lost 5 pounds of water weight by "halftime." 3 of that was in his shoes.

So it was game on again, and to my complete amazement, Jo quickly headed a ball in the goal from about 83 feet. I was close to puking up a lung by the 2 minute point when Omari somehow put a ball between my legs and clubbed me to the ground in one fell swoop, scoring goal number infinity for the other side (who we'll just refer to as "Team that had a zillion players"). Anyway, I blacked out for most of the rest of the game. I remember something about pushing Ashley down, talking smack to an orange cone, and trying to convince a dog passing by to join our team thinking that it was Air Bud. Turned out to be a deft footed squirell. Live and learn.

We dined on some lovely pork, burgers, and tibouli back on Melinda's porch while she told us all about how much she hated her sister because of how hard Sarma worked for 8 years of school to become a successful dentist or something. Or because she owned a jet ski - I really didn't understand any of that conversation. I was still hallucinating due to massive heat exhaustion and wondering why half the table were dressed as ninjas and the other half pirates. I came to this morning and realized again why I musn't ever again play soccer. Or at least until next Wednesday...